Hello everyone. I hope you’re all well and find yourself in good mental health. I hope you have all been enjoying the hot weather we have had in the UK recently, it’s been on the too hot side for me, so I’m now enjoying these cooler days that we are having.

Today, I’m going to talk you about a big victory I had at the weekend with my personal mental health battle, and how it has made me feel within myself.

So for any one that knows me I am a big sports fan, especially football, and on the 14^th August my local football team had their first home game for the start of the new season. I used to be a season ticket holder, but due to my anxiety I couldn’t attend many games because of the crowds.  I was struggling to go and be a part of something I really enjoyed.  It was a way for me to let out my frustration I had during the week.   Just chanting at the away fans and giving the referee some grief,  because they usually deserve it, helps me release my pent up emotion.  So Saturday morning, my partner asked me if I would like to go to the game.  At first  I was no, then maybe, then finally  yes.   I didn’t want   to go by myself as I don’t think I was ready for that, but I asked my grandad if he wanted to go.  Thankfully he said yes.  Well my anxiety started to build from the moment he said yes to going with me.

It was a hot day and I was going to go in my shorts and hoody then my football shirt over the top,  my partner said it look good  without the hoodie, so I started panicking that I was going to go to the game without my protective clothing, as I feel people would be watching me all the time, I feel that people would attack me. But with encouragement, I decided to go in my football shirt, shorts and a new pair trainer.  First small victory of the day.

We picked my grandad up around 2:30pm and we started to drive to the ground which is called the Crown Meadow, and I felt my anxiety building up. butterflies in my stomach, hands  sweaty, and felt like asking my partner to turn the car around, but I didn’t want to let my grandad down who not been to game for a long time due to ill health.

So we went through, paid, and walked up to the stand where we would be sitting, then took a seat, and watched both teams warm up, all the time I was fighting the urge to get out of there.  I went to get drink for us both, and bumped into a familiar face. Bill, who asked how I was, then asked me what size my football shirt was. In my head I’m thinking he saying I’m fat it’s too small for you, but he said he just ordered one and wanted to know it would fit him.  Bit of relief there I can tell you.

I got back to my grandad and we were chatting about all football stuff.  The game started and we got a penalty in the first 3 mins, I thought banging, first game back and it started with a bang.  But alas, we missed the penalty…so i felt a bit deflated. Half time came up and  grandad  and I went to get a drink before the rush came up, and Barwell scored booboo lol.   We got our dinks when another familiar friendly face come up to us.  Helen.  We chatted then went back to our seats. At this point I was texting my partner as I was having a panic attack, because I thought people were laughing at me at what I was wearing, I felt really uncomfortable but my partner was being really supportive and I can’t thank her enough, it really calmed me down.

So it came to near the end of the game,  my grandad  and I started to walk to the gates to meet my partner, and I hear someone call my name and its another Helen. We chatted and Helen came to say hello to my partner as they hadn’t seen each other for ages,  then we left, took grandad home and came home.

Although we lost the game, (boo hoo), I had a really good day out with my grandad and it was nice to be back somewhere that means a lot to me in so many ways.  I’m taking this as a huge victory, so thank you to everyone who said Hi and chatted, and also to my partner who gave me the confidence to go and  encourage me with what I was wearing, and my grandad, who didn’t have a clue about my mental health struggles that day.

It may not sound much, but the little victories feel like huge victories to me.  I did it, I enjoyed it, and I’m thinking of doing it again!!!!

Thank you for reading and I wish you all good mental health and remember to take some you time f or you to recharge yourself, and be kind to yourself, it’s so important .